Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Medicine Talking

I had to pick off a few hairs from my lips after giving Yousuf a peck on the top of his head. I noticed his hair starting to spike up as it did last time right before shedding. He wants constant hugs and to be held most of the day. He's still in a lot of pain and barely finds enjoyment in the activities he once did.

I expected bad news from our doctors visit today but, alhamdulilah, was not that bad at all. Today's visit was just a routine check-up to see how his counts were. No chemo-therapy administered. An usual demand of blood transfusions is needed at this time but Yousuf's hemoglobin levels was at a standstill from last weeks count. However, his ANC (the disease fighting white blood cells) were low but that is to be expected. I told the doctor how bad Yousuf was doing and she could see for herself. He was trembling and clingy to his parents with many complaints of aches and pains throughout his body. The Dr. said this is what I kid looks like in this phase and he is actually doing pretty good. She said we are in the lower depths of this treatment right now. His counts could drop even more this week, too.

I had to hold my tears back a bit and just asked the doctor, "I know this might sound like a stupid question but if there is no more leukemia in his blood why are we wiping out his blood like this?" Dr. Margolin said, "Because there is leukemia still in his blood it's just that we can't detect it." Then I asked, "Then how do you know what you are doing is killing them or not?" She said that it's hard to say and she knows that, in the process, a lot of healthy cells die but they will always come back and we are hoping that the leukemia cells will not. She started to rehearse the high rates and statistics again. She seemed to be a little more sympathetic than her usual 'factual self' though. I just sat there with an ache in my chest, "Three more years?"


  1. May Allah ease your heart and give Yousuf a full recovery and protect him always amin!

    La hawla wa la quwwatta illa billah!

    Thank you for sharing this with us, it is humbling in so many many ways and I pray Allah removes your sins and rewards you endlessly for your struggle and your strength.

  2. Please sis I want to reassure you that once you get into Long Term Maintenence it is much easier. InshaAllah normality will return, too much normality to be honest. The only difficult weeks we have are on the weeks she has Vincristine and is on the steroids. She has Vincristine on a Monday evening and starts on the steroids that same evening. She can perhaps manage school Tues or Weds morning. By Thursday, the effects of the steroids are fully apparent, she's tired and grumpy. Saturday morning she has her last dose of steroids and Monday morning everything is back to normal Alhamdulillah.

    I have four children to look after and live by myself and do not drive, I can truly say that since she's been in Long Term Maintenance these have been the easiest years of my life. The induction and delayed intensification phases have just become distant memories now.

    The hair has grown back beautifully now MashAllah, curly as opposed to what is was before, straight.

    We go every 12 weeks now to the specialist hospital for a lumbar puncture and Sumayah really looks forward to it as she now only has good memories left from the early days.

    InshaAllah may Allah bring you ease very soon also and give Yousuf shifah.


    Umm Ibraheem

  3. Asalam Alaikum,

    It hurts to see that your young boy has to go through all these treatment.

    Please understand that cancer is nothing but a warning of imbalance of the immune system. We need to get that message and thry to rebuild our body's immune system, not to weaken or even destroy the immune system by convential treatment (it doesn't "treat" at all, by the way.)

    Check to learn about cancer. Be sure to read about the cancer diet from that website. Eating right is the first step to strengthen the immune system.

    I pray Allah to guide you to learn the right information to help your son to fight back this cancer. Ameen

  4. If you bare this with patience this may be the one thing that enters you into paradise, or elevate your ranks. Think how much Allah swt loves for you khair over other people to give you this unique opportunity. Alhamdulillah.

  5. Asslam u alaikum, I came here after reading your leters to Dr Seuss on Muslim Matters. Your son is beautiful mashaALLAH. May ALLAH Give all of you strength and let this phase pass quickly. InshaALLAH once bad times pass, they are erased from are memory and such is the Rahmah that ALLAH Displays for us. I am a mother of 1 2 and a half year old and cannot even imagine what pain you must be going through. May ALLAH Make every single drop of blood transfused and borne with patience a reward for all of you. Through this child may He elevate your ranks and also Make him "huddatum muhtadeen" in the future and the coolness of your eyes. Ameen

  6. Salaam aleikoum dear sis,
    I also got on your blog through Muslim Matters and read it from the beginning. Your boy is so beautiful masha'Allah. May Allah cure him. My dua's are with you and your family. Take care and I hope he gets better soon. <3

  7. salaam alaykum
    I just wanted to say my du'aa is with you and for all those going through trials in the world. Trials are what makes a person become stronger and inshaAllah I pray that Allah grants you and your entire family strength and patience when all of this is over and Yousuf is perfectly healthy again. Allahumma ameen. THe prophets endured so many years of trial, tribulation, loss and grief...may Allah love you as He loves them. ameen.

    your sister

  8. Salam sis,
    You are in our duas. Allah will protect little Yusuf and grant him a perfect recovery inshllah. You are not alone, you have the duas of the umma behind you. Allah is the best protector. You are in the hardship phase, smile because relief is near inshallah.

    Connected by dua.

    Your sis