Sunday, November 15, 2009

Counting Down Again...

"May I take your order?"

"Yeah, I'll take three bottles of dexamethosone, one bottle of fluconazole (for his thrush), and one bottle of tamiflu. And while you're at it throw in a few oxygen masks!"

I thought to myself driving out of the drive through pharmacy with a bag slightly larger than one you would get driving through a McDonald's or Wendy's. I had no idea why the bag was so big. I peeked inside to see three boxes of the dexamethosone (steroid), the one he hates the most. Every time I give it to him he pleads with me to at least make it a smaller amount. The boy knows how to compromise, unfortunately, there is nothing I can do for him.

Yousuf has been extremely inactive. Doesn't find enjoyment in almost anything and if he does it only lasts a few minutes. The T.V. is too loud for him so he wants me to turn it off, he has pain in his wrist, elbows and legs. He doesn't like to walk much, and hates his rounded belly. All I hear all day is complaints about things he doesn't like and the aches and pains in his body. He comes to me wherever I am in the house and just lays his head on me or hugs me. It reminds me of the beginning. Since you don't see any typical 'sick' symptoms you would just assume he is going through some emotional problems....which I am sure he is on how to interpret how bad he feels and why. He wants to sleep super early and starts saying he is tired by 3:00pm. I make attempts to get him to feel better. Sometimes they work and mostly I just hear moans and groans because it just doesn't seem to work. He seems to have food cravings but then doesn't seem to eat very much. He looks tiny and pale complected.

As for me, I'm struggling again internally. I dread every morning and bedtime since those are the two medicine times. My head is filled with nightmares, in my sleep, of something happening to Yousuf. I'm confused on what to do with him, say to him, or sometimes treat him. It's hard to balance proper discipline and flexibility due to his sickness. I want to give into his wishes since there's not much he enjoys right now, but I know it will only harm him more than assist him in recovery. The wishes like chocolate or going out to eat are substituted for healthier choices at home whether he likes it or not....which is mostly NOT. He also had a couple mouth sores making it painful to eat at times.

I'm trying to share with him this experience and ways for us both to cope with it. I can't wait for his father to return to give additional support and love to him through this trying time for him....and me. Our reliance is in Allah and each other. In addition, strength can be derived from any given test but it's up to us to extract the goodness from it or the evil from it. The question is...Will I be strong enough to see the good?

No comments:

Post a Comment