Monday, July 27, 2009

The Road Behind That Door

We turned our backs and walked away from that door from the kuwaiti lady's home. As she shut the door we had many questions about what happens behind it. Almost ten years later I am discovering the answers. A road. A very long road composed of numerous sets of conditions and obstacles. Each day I come upon new knowledge and new struggles. Every day feels like an information overload that leaves me drained and tired. I keep attempting to throw away my fears only to have them return like a boomerang affect.

Today as the nurse was about to sign out from her shift she was instructing the new nurse on Yousuf's status. She let a big sigh from exhaustion and said, "It's been a long day for this boy." I didn't hold anything in my heart towards her, but she did attempt to run an I.V. twice in his arm and failed only injuring poor Yousuf's delicate skin and mood. By the time the nurse gave up and admitted she was having trouble and would call a more experienced nurse I ran and hid in a corner in the hallway and cried. I cried hard for about one minute, took a deep breath and stood with my shoulders back and chest out. Another deep breath and forcing myself to exaggerate my enthusiasm as I march back in the room. I took two steps and felt my lip quiver. I pivoted in a new direction allowing myself to truly take a break and just let his father remain his coach for the time being. The nurse came to me and apologized for what happened. She told me she was going to get a very experienced nurse to make the effort. I walked down to the hall to the guest lounge while trying to recover and rejuvenate myself. A few people in the hall were giving me funny looks. Maybe they were wondering why I didn't just stay in my hospital room and cry. Suddenly I saw at the corner of my eye something shiney sticking out from my side. I grew a gigantic grin on my face as I realized that I forgot to take off Yousuf's "Super Yousuf" cape he had asked me to wear since he didn't feel comfortable to move enough to put it on himself. Now I know why people were giving me funny looks as I continued walking with the bright orange cape flapping behind. I was relaxed and ready to go back in the room.


  1. lol, I laughed out loud on that one. I was about to cry, but suddenly with the "cape" line, it turned into a laugh that I didn't expect to have!

  2. ma'shallah, you are strong! this is my first visit to your site. may Allah (swt) give you and your husband, esp your dear son strength to go through this. i have been through something similar with my father (may Allah have mercy on him) so please stay strong and cheerful in front of your son. my prayers are with you all.

  3. Assalaam aleykum Umm Yousuf,

    I hope that little Yousuf gets fully recovered and very soon insha'Allah.
    I remember meeeting him when you guys had come to take Rays of Faith with Qabeelat Hayl, masha'Allah what a beautiful little boy he is!

    May Allah grant your family the 'desired remission' which you are waiting for and may little Yousuf find his way out of the hospital and on the way to good health soon.

    Life is fragile but alhamdulillah as Believers we have Allah on our side and supporting us.

    I ask that He grants your family patience to be able to deal with this bump in the road called life.

    I just hope you know that all of you are deeply in our prayers and that we will continue to make dua'a for you. You have a LOOOOT of people praying for Yousuf and Allah who is the Ar-Rahmaan and Ar-Raheem will insha'Allah answer our prayers soon.

    Lots of love, hugs and best wishes.