It was supposed to be a full day today but due to his ANC being too low they canceled his chemo until Monday. The only good news about that is that Yousuf's body gets some rest. His hemoglobin dropped to 11.4 but still looks good. This morning when we woke him up to go to the doctor he couldn't stop crying. We usually get a few whines in when getting ready but today he was just fed up and he let us know it. He has a very big painful mouth sore. He refuses to talk most of the day communicating mostly by grunts and cries. He looks sick. His eyes are red and droopy, he's lethargic, grumpy and has lost all his hair again. While he was shedding he would easily yank a chunk of his hair out and hand it to me with this look like, "I know what's happening to me and I don't like it." Surprising how much a four year old can be subconscious about how they look.
He refused to use the new mouth wash they prescribed for us today so when I was a bit stern and forceful he began to cry. He coughed up some blood and I was confused on where it came from. No bleeding gums or mouth sores. I was frantic. I still have the adrenaline running through my veins. I still don't feel so comfortable. I called the hospital right away giving the operator Yousuf's name and my contact number. It was only a matter of two minutes before I got a call back.
"Salaam alaikum, I got a page for Yousuf? Is he alright?"
It turns out the oncologist on call tonight was one of our friends, alhamdulilah. I eased up a bit. After giving the doctor the details on what happened and the doctor looking at today's counts he told me that most likely is just a tear of some kind after coughing and not from anything serious. The blood wasn't continuous and was a teaspoon or less. The doctor could tell that I was worried. He told me to call him back again if anything continues. Before hanging up he paused for a second and said, "Eid Mubarak." I caught my tears before they could come. Emotions are so scrambled with the stress of Yousuf's health it took me by surprise to remember that it's about to be a happy festive day again coming our way. I will be in a juggling act as I try to juggle the joy with the worry...but isn't that everyone's life?