Sunday, August 23, 2009


It's funny, no matter how strong my OCD (Obessesive Compulsive Disorder) has become germs still have manifested themselves in determination in making me sick. At least it's not Yousuf. I told Yousuf to be patient with mama today since it's my turn to be sick. He keeps telling me I have to go to the doctor. Actually, any bump, prick or scratch that I get he tells me a visit to the doctor is very necessary. He is cradling his Build-a bear doll wearing a spandex glove injecting medicine into him all day. No wonder the bear isn't moving.

We have our very first doctors visit tomorrow without his dad. Luckily, it is not one that will be a round of chemo in his spinal. From what I understand it will only be a check-up. A week off before the next phase of therapy. We still have to access his port and check his blood. But he seems to be doing pretty good, alhamdulilah. Only his mom is doing bad coughing, sneezing, sore throat, runny nose and tired from a long day of fasting. A little sad after not being alone for so long. The nights seem longer and my days are dragging. I keep trying to redefine normal but when things are always changing that's hard to do.

I feel a bit stressed and reach over to call my best friend only to remember that she is no longer available to call anymore. Away overseas, she is taking care of her mother in law who also has cancer. It seems this vicious disease is taking me from all angles.

How the tables have turned. Yousuf does not have to fast tomorrow for his appointment but I will be. Without sneaking off to get coffee or a smoothie I will remain by his side truly experiencing at least part of what he has suffered. I'm wondering if I should draw a line in the middle of the house and tell Yousuf to stay on one half and not to cross over mine to help prevent him from getting sick, too. He probably won't mind as long as his half has his toys and the T.V.

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