Sunday, July 19, 2009

Taking It's Toll

I wrapped Yousuf in his blanket and gave him a kiss goodbye as I hurried out the door to the gym. The first time I went since all of this started. I, instinctively, went left when entering toward the childcare but immediately steered myself in the right direction. It wasn't as much of a relief as I thought it would be. I have been having difficulty breathing for the past week or so but it seemed to get increasingly worse. I decided to go to the doctor myself just to check. Yousuf didn't like that at all. My doctor his doctor...doesn't matter to him, they're all the same. He started to calm down when he kept being reassured that it was "Mama's turn!". Nothing at all wrong with me, except for some anxiety. I never experienced anxiety this bad, I guess, as these symptoms were all new: trouble breathing, nausea, and dizziness. At least not all at once like that. The doctor recommended exercise. He asked if I ever worked out. I was like, "Yes! I was all the time before this started." He looked at me and smiled and said, "Do you wish to go back?" I shyly said, "yes." smiling as well, feeling completely understood and suddenly not guilty for wanting to. I didn't realize that all of this was affecting me this much. I just take it all day by day slowly adjusting to this new way of life, but my body is still in shock I guess.

Today in our morning routine of brushing Yousuf's teeth and hair I noticed alot of hair in his brush. I cleaned his brush a few days ago making sure to know the difference between hair accumulating over a period of time in it or actual hair loss. I still cleaned it again sure that's all it accumulation of hair. I brushed his hair and a large amount of hair was in it again. I repeated it again to make sure I wasn't crazy and paranoid. I wasn't. The back of his shirt has a noticeable amount of hair all over it. Yousuf was born with a full head of hair and had several haircuts by the time he was one years old. I have always been pretty particular about having his hair neat since he was a baby. Seeing Yousuf shedding his hair is only something I would imagine in a horror movie and not in real life. this is real life. We will be creative in our approach to make this easier for all of us. When a Muslim man goes for Hajj(Pilgrimage) they shave their heads as part of the sunnah (way of the Prophet). Tomorrow we will be preparing Yousuf for his first "pretend" journey to Mekkah.


  1. Im glad you're taking care of yourself and going back to the gym. You have to be 100% to be there for Yusuf 100%.

    I'll keep you in my du's

  2. Assalamu Alaikum Dear Umm Yousuf

    We have been following your progress since Abu Yousuf spoke about your son on the Almaghrib forums and many have been shedding tears.

    I can appreciate why you yourself would have ended up at the doctors and I wanted to offer some help if I could. You can contact me via my website linked (free of charge). I think it might help you to talk to someone who is away from the situation. My offer is there if you need it.

    I liked one of the other sisters suggestion of the super hero costume. I hope small gestures like this help Yousuf to cope.

    I was thinking about tests in our lives and some of the most difficult times in our lives bring the most sweetest of blessings.

    May Allah make things easy for you.